Thai Time

#1:  Traditional Thai Massage (no happy ending)

  I've wanted to get a traditional Thai massage for a while now, not to mention that back problems have accompanied my aging process as of late.  Since Fort Worth does not offer much beyond the Cowtown culture, I trekked about an hour to this hole in the wall place in East Dallas.  Worth it though....

  When asked why I wanted to try a Thai massage by Chalida (below) I told her about my 30 before 30 list.  Her response: "Look too young to be almost 30!  You have kids?"  Apparently the expectation that you should have kids at 30 is global.  She told me she didn't mind when she turned 30 and that it wasn't that bad.  However, what she didn't enjoy was when she turned 45 and went through menopause -- so there's another milestone the ladies have to look forward to!  She is actually from Thailand and studied massage therapy at Wat Pho (the original school of massage in Bangkok) -- so what I'm saying is -- she is legit.  

Chalida Pheerathoranis

  I had a general idea of what to expect, but that doesn't mean that I was going to be completely comfortable the first time I had a tiny Thai lady start crawling the span of my entire body with her knees.  Hurt so good was on a whole new level at this stage.  Personal boundary issues were out the door within the first 30 seconds she went full hands on with my very inner thigh (tisk, tisk Massage Envy for neglecting that area).  She used her palms, thumbs, knees, elbows, feet -- basically her entire body to stretch and massage me.  At one point she was holding onto my ankles with both of her hands as she used her feet to walk along the inside of my leg.  Full circus act material.  

  

  At one point, I literally yelled out loud (justifiably, trust me).  When you've had almost an hour of rubbing, stretching, and gentle manipulation then out of nowhere Miss Chalida calls a technique audible and starts punching you in your shoulder and ribs it can be a little startling.  Of course she laughed at me and referred to me as being "too tender" -- pretty sure that was her nice way of calling me a baby.  There were a few times I wanted to laugh because I imagined what I must look like awkwardly contorted in the weirdest ways as she did her best to stretch my all-too-stiff 29 year old body.  Somehow I maintained my composure.  Below is my attempt to capture an awkward stretch. 

Awkward Stretch #52

  My left leg is Indian-style over my right thigh while she stand on the table and stretches me.  I was thinking two things at this point:  1) I am almost 100% sure my hip is about to be dislocated, and 2) God I hope I don't have a hole anywhere in my tights.  Per that last statement, in case you're wondering, you leave your clothes on for a traditional Thai massage and they don't use any lotion.  Important fact to know.  So when you are left alone in the room at the beginning don't start disrobing like you would normally do because things could get weird pretty quick.     

  If you've never gotten a traditional Thai massage - do it.  I already feel ten times better than I do after a massage any where else.  If you're a club member at some chain massage place, don't roll in expecting anything like that.  It is much more authentic and feels way better (as long as you don't mind someone walking on you and getting all in your mix).  Not to mention, you actually get a real FULL HOUR massage (gasp!) as opposed to the faux hour that has five minutes shaved off at each end.  If you want to try it, I'm sure Little Miss Chalida would be more than happy to literally walk all over you -- just let me know!